Pets. Kind of a funny blessing. Growing up I never had a pet, well except for my fish- Rainbow. I always wanted a dog for a pet cause well they looked fun and cuddly which was the most common perception of what a pet should be at the age I was. Being around 6-7 at the time i didnt really understand the responsibility that comes with owning an actual pet. Finally for my 16th birthday my parents decided that I could have a pet. An actual pet. At first I wanted a dog but being older I knew I wouldn’t have that much time to invest in giving it walks and such, also considering the vet bills I decided to go for something smaller. Randomly I decided on a rabbit since i remember back in elementary school a lot of my friends had them. So I found a breeder and bought my little Chester for a fair price of $25. Of course no price can compare to what I learned through being his owner. I kind of had a taste of what it would be like to be a mom, now I know it’s not the same cause well a kid is a kid and a rabbit is a rabbit. But like I said it’s a taste. What I learned:
Owning a pet is a hella a lot of money, on top of food, there’s vet bills, medication, hygiene products etc. Im estimating I spend around 100-175 each month all together. This is already a struggle with me being unemployed and all, so i’ve had to cut corners a lot and depend on my parents for some of this stuff. I myself can’t imagine having to provide for my future child/Children with no income whatsoever. This really has taught me a lesson in financial stability and the importance of having a decent job to make ends meat to provide for those you care for.
Being Gentle and Staying Calm
Rabbits get startled really easily and i mean really easily. To the point where if you startle them with a loud noise they can die from a heart attack or from breaking their back from shock. My rabbit can be really feisty and will bite either out of curiosity or i guess being territorial especially during this time of year. I’ve learned not react in a forceful or rash manner when he acts this way but in a calm way cause well he’s scared and im pretty sure he doesnt mean to do it most of the time. I guess gentleness comes in especially when doing things he doesnt like doing but have to be done, such as going to the vet and giving him baths. My rabbit reacts more calmly when i talk to him in a soft and gentle voice when he’s scared, especially when im holding him close to me. I guess with my future child/children if God wills it I want to be the same. I want to be gentle, patient and calm. I want to hold them when they’re scared and let them know that their mom is here for them. I want to be patient when they may not be at their best and to be understanding when they act up and handle it in a calm and reasonable manner.
I kind of have an idea of what it feels like when a mother loves her child. With my rabbit im mad attached to him like crazy and if anything were to happen to him i dont know what I would do.Even when he pisses me off and drives me crazy with his biting, scratching and such I still love him. When he gets sick or isn’t acting like himself I get really worried and want to help make him better in any way I can; I always want what’s best for him. I also like spending time with him just sitting in his pen watching him fall asleep on my lap while i stroke him on his head and behind his ears. It makes me happy just being around him and I hope he feels the same way too.Of course it’s not all fun and games, like I said you have to do some things you dont want to but have to. Going to the vet is one of the hardest things I have to do, cause well he’s terrified and not to sound corny or soft but it kinda kills me inside when I see him scared, cause well I love him but I know it’s for his betterment. I know this is only a taste of what im going to experience If i become a mother myself. It may only be a taste but im loving it so far, I cant imagine what the real full experience will feel like :$
Chester; my blessing in disguise. Mama Loves you lots<3
Getting to know my neighbours. I’ve lived in Brampton for about 4 years now and my brother has always been close friends with our neighbours youngest son down the street. Recently our family and their family went on a road trip to michigan and I got to know their older son Gabriel that was my age.His parents told me he was really shy so I tried bringing him out of his shell by just being me. We hit it off really fast and I found out we had a lot of stuff in common from faith to hobbies. I always love a person that’s passionate about something and is motivated to pursue it no matter what. For him its cooking, he planned on going to culinary school but took a year off because his parents aren’t really supportive of him going into culinary arts, so he’s working to save money to go to school. Which hit home because I was in the same boat with my parents. Gabriel and I spent a lot of time together and I felt as If i’ve known him for longer than just this past weekend. We went swimming, explored the island we went to and I helped him look for cooking stuff when we went to this outlet to go shopping. I pretty much had a fun weekend getting to know him and share in a lot of laughs as well. God really worked his magic this weekend :)
I am His.
This year’s RYC really hit home hard, and i mean hard. The whole thing revolved around mystery and identity. Identifying God. When I was called to serve for the set design team I immediately said yes because i missed serving and it was an ample opportunity. Plus I wanted to help in any way I could. Set design wasn’t easy, there was a lot of pressure and stress to get things done on time, in between the long nights working,bussing, exacto knife cuts, and a short amount of supplies at times it was blessed none the less. I had the opporitunity to bond with my brothers and sisters again, and just let everything out that I had been penting up inside. I had endless affirmation that though I may be hurting right now, in time; in God’s time it will get better. The three weeks were filled with laughter and lots of it, a day didnt go by where there wasn’t laughter filling the basement we worked in, which is always a good thing especially when you’re stressed. After 3 weeks the fruits of our labour paid off. and it resulted in an amazing set.In between doing set design and short film for RYC I was called last minute to serve as part of the production team as a runner. I didnt think it was a really big deal at first but something our full time pastoral worker said changed my view on it. He said that as a service team we will see conference from a different point of view than the participants and to be open to what God wants us to see. I took it heart that weekend. The smallest things made the biggest impact on me. The last facilitating group I lead before leaving missisauga East to transfer to Brampton was there. I had been their facilitator 2 years back and it put me in awe of how much they had grown, these sisters are truly so blessed and always bring a smile to my face. They referred to me as “mother” before and still do till this day everytime I run up to hug them. It’s nice to know that they still remember me and are continuing to grow to be true women of God. The songs used during the praisefests spoke to me so clearly, as clear as a bell. They were songs that were used at the camps and conferences that had impacted me at my lowest times. IT was St. Augustine who said that when one sings, one prays twice. My prayer life hasn’t been that great this past year, I felt like i didn’t know what to say, and if i wanted to say anything i wanted it to come from the heart. I didnt want it to be lip service. Probablly the most significant moment that stood out the whole weekend was the last Worship on Saturday night. I was told to kneel by the projector to make sure that it didnt tip over or no one bumped into it. This was after the talk about identity. I closed my eyes clutching the paper that I used to answer the reflection questions about my identity. I opened my eyes and looked around, I felt like I had to. I looked to my left and there was my chapter, the brothers and sisters I had grown to love these past few years, my family I looked behind me and sure enough there was my old chapter Missisauga East where I had had first entered the community 4 years ago. I looked in front of me and there was our set design the one in which brought me closer to some of the brothers and sisters that I had not been so close to before as I am now. I looked down and I saw the cross on my rosary and it made me think back to my first Conference.The theme had been love, and what I took of it was that God loves and love is all around us. That all we have to do is be open to it. I looked around me again and saw love.I realized I had foolishly been searching for something that was right in front of me, that was surrounding me this whole time this past year. Sadly I thought that after the relationship I was in ended, I thought I was worth nothing, that my value was far less and I didn’t deserve to be loved or to feel it. I was wrong. Our fulltime pastoral worker then began opening up the praisefest and directed the first part of the opening to the sisters. I broke down crying because everything that was said was a strong affirmation of what I had been told many times before but pushed aside because I didn’t believe it to be true. I am precious, I am beautiful both inside and out, I am strong, I am worth pursuing, I am worth protecting. I am worth waiting for, I am a daughter of God and I deserve to be loved and respected. I let go of the negative things i had carried about myself and who I am and started to take in what I had been told and affirmed of. God spoke to me so loud and clear during that worship, no i didn’t hear voice like when someones talking into your ear but I heard and felt it in my heart. “My child I know the hurts you have buried deep in your heart, and all the tears you’ve cried. The things you’ve done to numb and take it away that have made you hurt more.It’s hard for you to accept the love of others because you don’t want to risk getting hurt. I want you to know I love you,I always will, and I will never break your heart. Live love, and be love, dont be afraid for Im here, Im here…” For the first time in over a year I had felt him so close to me, by my side again. When the Praisefest had ended I still had tears in my eyes. So did everyone else. I saw a cluster of my chapter all huddled together crying and I went up to them to comfort them. Then I hugged the Sisters and when it came to the brothers I broke down again. I thought of all the times i had been so cold towards them, maybe not directly but indirectly. How I didnt believe the things they said, that I thought their intentions weren’t genuine, when all along I had been wrong. When it came to one of the brothers I couldnt stop crying, he had been one of the brothers that kept reminding me of how precious I am as a sister these past few months. I didnt really take to heart what he said but now I did,he kept telling me that even through my tears Im still beautiful, I took it to heart because I remember him telling me a while back a sister is most beautiful when shes crying because shes letting herself be open to others and for them to see the real her. The real me had been something I had forgotten about. I had forgotten what makes me complete, what makes me who I am, what makes me worth it, now I remember and I want to embrace it again. I am the sister who is not so lady like, the sister that serenades people whenever I sleepover and share a bed with someone, I am the sister who is allergic to make up and birth control the two things that shouldnt be needed in the first place, I am the sister who is really really open- TMI level open, I am the sister who awkwardly invades peoples personal space, I am the sister that makes weird sounds, I am the sister that loves to make people laugh, I am the sister that isn’t afraid to embarrass herself to make others laugh and to help them open up, I am a daughter of God,I am loved, I am His.
and with that may God be praised
Sisterhood. Safe to say i’ve been getting a lot of it since school ended. Being part of the Set design team for RYC this year didnt seem like it would be a big deal at first but a lot has actually come out of it so far this past week. I forgot how relaxed and happy I can be by simply being around my sisters in CFC-Youth. I got to open up and get closer to a few sisters whom i’ve wanted to bond more with for quite a while now. I’ve missed just talking to the sisters about what been going on and listening to their advice on what I should try doing in certain situations that have been going on.It’s always good to have a sisters perspective after all.Heart to hearts like this are something i’ve definately missed while being away for school. As tiring as doing set design for RYC has been it’s definitely an amazing blessing in disguise.
Putting my Photography Skills to Good use. I’m just starting out since i’ve only started taking photography seriously these past 4 months. I love being able to capture people expressions and emotions on film or digitally. I’ve improved in a short amount amont of time, or so i’ve been told. I have a new appreciation for this form of art that i’ve really grown to love. I recently got asked to be an official photographer for an event going on at Fed Hall today. I really loved it even though I was dead tired while taking photos. Im actually re-considering my career path, possibly go into photography? Decisions decisions, maybe i’ll do it on the side, who knows?
Fine Arts Faculty and Peers. Honestly today made me love my program even more. I woke up at 8am to continue doing my tech sculpture for my Studio class, and I got some of the spray paint i was using on another students piece which happened to belong to a fourth year student for his final. I was shatting bricks when he came in to check his piece, and it looked like he was about to explode but surprisingly he didnt. He just smiled at me and said it was okay and that its no big deal. He explained that he’s been really stressed lately and he’s been quick tempered but it’s not worth him shouting at me if it was just an accident that could be simply fixed. He just asked me to help him carry his piece to the gallery down the hallway and thats pretty much it.He thanked me and told me not to worry about it.
Then I had my studio class and i was really stressed cause i’ve worked almost 50 hours+ on this huge tech sculpture. My prof took me to the side of the class and told me that she’ll count this project as two projects, meaning that i dont have to do the other project that we have to do after this one. She also said she won’t be as hard marking my work since i’ve put a lot of time and dedication into it. It made my face light up so much when she said that to me and im really thankful that she’s making this exception for me without deductions too. Yepp i love my program :)
Got an extension on the Tech sculpture assignment, its due on monday now. Less stress on my shoulders:)
Church as a family.It’s been the first time in over 5 years that I’ve gone to church with my family; minus my mom cause she had work today :(. For the past few years i’ve been going to church by myself on Sundays without my family because they weren’t interested in going and usually stayed home. With my mom being protestant and my Dad Roman Catholic there were usually a lot of issues relating to which church our family should attend. Those issues you could say caused a divide and church was out of our lives as a result. Since joining the CFC-Y community i’ve felt that church has been my safe haven for me, so regardless of my parents decisions of not wanting to go i still went. For the past few years my Dad would drive me to church, drop me off and pick me up when the service was over. Today as I was leaving the house my Dad offered to drive me like he always does and my brother came along as well. They decided to stay which really surprised me. We sat at the back of the church all 3 of us together. I really wish my mom was there with us though, hopefully she will be next time. I could tell my dad felt kind of awkward being there because he didn’t know the responses or didn’t know what do when everyone was kneeling, or genuflecting- same with my brother. I tried explaining what to do and it was kinda cute how they tried to follow along. Im really thankful that we were able to go to mass as a family but i really really wish my mom was there. I guess anythings possible during this season of lent :)
Last week at our chapter assembly we learned about the importance of our families. Honestly, i would be no where without my family. Not only my dad or my brother, but my whole family. I remember more than a year ago I wasn’t really that close with my whole family, I was mostly close to my Dad, me and him are like bros I tell him a lot of stuff and we make jokes all the time. My little brother kyle oh geez this kid, he can be so annoying sometimes but I love him off, I remember there was a thunderstorm one time and he knows how much im scared of them so he came in my room,slept beside me and hugged me. My family has been my support system for these past few months. Even though they dont know exactly how im feeling or what im going through im glad that they’re there for me. I finally get to have real talks with my mom which is something im really thankful for since i never got to before. My parents both trust me way more than they did before since im away from home 5 days of the week and sometimes 2-3 weeks in a row for school. I never got to realize how much my family meant to me until i was away from home. I miss my brother waking me up for school in the morning, my dad tickling my stomach to wake me up on saturdays when I had YFC events to go to and my mom laughing with me at the stupidest things. My Family honestly picks me up when im having my lowest days, throughout all the fights, disagreements and stress at the end of the day I would do anything for my family. I honestly can be the worst daughter ever sometimes, I can be really stubborn and lazy to do simple tasks around the house. I forget to call my parents or I don’t pick up the phone and they get extremely worried about me. I make up excuses not to go home just to be with my friends for the weekend. I dont know how they put up with me but im glad they do.My Family is truly a blessing.
My exboyfriend Kevin. You may be thinking how this could possibly be a blessing, well it has been. He taught me to really be patient and to just be myself because im fine just the way I am. He taught me how to love myself more, even with my past and all that im not all too proud about. I admit I wasn’t exactly the best girlfriend I could of been for him, but im glad he stayed as long as he did. He really showed me the tough sides of a relationship and the sacrifices you have to make especially if it’s long distance, not like 3 hours away long distance but on the other side of the country long distance. I learned a lot more about myself and what I need to work on as a person. But i think the biggest thing that came out of it was that i made a whole 360 with my family, we’re as close as can be and I can’t thank him enough for helping me with that because well i’ve waited practically my whole life for it to happen. I dont know if he’s ever going to read this, a part of me hopes he does cause I at least want to stay friends. I do hope we get to meet again sometime soon in the near future. And if does read this, keep on smiling bro.
My Holy Name Sisters, it’s always all smiles when i visit them or their high school based meetings. Im so proud of Elizabeth for leading these girls and helping CFC-Y grow in our school community. How much they’ve grown truly shows in their actions and the things they say. I feel so honoured to have lead them for 2 years, and to see the new generation of Sisters joining makes my heart feel so good, especially today. Im always learning something new from them just like they learn something new from what i have to say when im there, growth never ends does it? They always know how to make me laugh when im having a bad day, sure we’re known as being the weirdest hsb in our chapter cause we do some pretty weird ish but hey, no shame right? haha these sisters are definitely a HUGE blessing
Last night I had a breakdown at around 3am (refer to the post “pondering..”) David texted me and asked if I was okay. He was with Stella and Eric, they all tried to comfort me and offered to come to my residence which is all the way on the other side of campus. Instead David asked if I wanted to come over since they weren’t sleeping anytime soon.I walked all the way there listening to my music and slightly still crying. When I got to their place I guess you can say it made things a lot lot better. I love my Team, legit.
My Waterloo Team. There’s so much I can say about them, but i dont know how to put it into words just look at the pictures :)